Some of these gave me the giggles......
After a lifetime of hearty eating of all the wrong kinds of food, Davie
McFlannel was as wide as he was tall (OK - he wan't very tall...). One of
his friends suggested to him that he should exercise to lose some excess
weight - even a short walk (to the public bar, perhaps) rather than driving
there and back might help. Davie glowered and commented, pointedly: "I like
long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." Then he
added: "The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear
heavy breathing again....."
Lachlan's Laws - # 71
That great Highland philosopher, Lachlan McLachlan, propounded a number of
irrefutable laws of life, the universe and everything, usually after a
"bevvy" in the Auchenshuggle Arms on a Saturday night. Here is another
example: "Eve and the apple was the first great step in experimental
science". It has to be said, however, that the Scots' author and playwright
James Bridie may have made the comment first.
Wee Donald wasn't very good at grammar and spelling at Auchentoshan Primary
School and the teacher kept testing him in the hope that he would
eventually learn. One day the teacher asked Wee Donald "Give me a sentence
beginning with 'I' " Wee Donald thought for a moment and then began "I
is..." The teacher angrily interrupted him and firmly said: "How many times
do I have to tell you that you must always say 'I am' !" Wee Donald looked
crestfallen and resumed: "All right. I am the letter in the alphabet after